


A criminal state of mind

by Daughter_of_the_TARDIS



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: BAMF River Song, Criminal River Song, F/F, Fluff, Police Officer Yasmin Khan, Post-Episode: s11e03 Rosa, Space Wives, and Yaz doesn't trust her, basically river is a criminal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-17 05:21:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16968438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daughter_of_the_TARDIS/pseuds/Daughter_of_the_TARDIS
Summary: "Also my brain has sort of gone all fuzzy after that kiss…” she paused, her face scrunching up as she looked up at River.  “Hang on.  Did you poison me?”“Not this time, dear.” the woman replied, smirking in amusement.The Doctor nodded.  “Right - normal kissing fuzziness, then.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The season might have finished, but I have not. I still have so many more Space Wives plots to do!

She couldn't help the way she stiffened when Krasko’s coat sleeve rode up and she saw the band tattooed on his wrist - spiky lines and wavelengths, the fifty-first century version of a bar code. The design was familiar, and it only took her a few moments to remember why - River had had one for a few days after she first arrived at Stormcage, but had had it removed soon after her third night there. When the Doctor had asked her about it, she had laughed it off - saying that the guards were far too busy to worry about her missing ID. Besides, she had said with a quirk of her red-painted lips, it wasn’t like everyone didn’t already know who she was.

It explained a lot, really. How he knew where to get his - mostly illegal - tools from, how he hid in plain sight like only the best criminals could. But the one thing that it really explained was how he knew what a TARDIS looked like. Her previous selves hadn’t been all that good at keeping a low profile, especially when it had to do with her wife. Which really meant one thing.

If anyone knew what a TARDIS looked like - what the last TARDIS in existence looked like - it was the inmates of Stormcage Containment Facility.

8888

“Cheap and nasty time travel.” She said, repeating her words from earlier as she led the way back to the bus depot. While Krasko had accidentally gotten rid of his own equipment, there was still one thing left there that the Doctor wasn’t willing to leave behind. “And not readily available, especially not in Stormcage.”

“Stormcage?” Ryan asked, up beside her. He looked at the Doctor, brows furrowing together as he tried to put the pieces of what the Doctor was saying together. 

“He had a very distinctive marking on his left wrist.” she explained, squatting down next to what remained of the vortex manipulator that she had destroyed. All that was really left of the device was the leather of the wrist strap itself. “A Stormcage Prison tattoo - used to identify the inmates. Sort of like a permanent QR code - just scan it, and you instantly know who they are and what landed them in Stormcage.”

“How do you know that?” Yaz asked, sounding worried. She had picked up on the slight tension that ran through the Doctor’s body the moment she mentioned Stormcage, and it made her worry. 

“My wife was a prisoner there.”. She was so focused in on the leather wrist strap that she didn't even hear Yaz gasp at the information, or see the shocked looks on Ryan and Graham’s faces.

She traced her fingers over the initials stitched into the leather band in silvery thread - R.S. The manipulator itself was in pieces, but that was easily fixable, as long as the one fixing it had the knowledge to do so, parts from several different centuries, and at least a week. The main issue was the question of how Krasko had ended up in possession of the device - her wife had held onto that thing through thick and thin, no matter how many times the Doctor had told her that she didn't need it - that they would always be there to catch her. She refused to give it up every time, saying that there was no way she was going to rely on his driving abilities to save her. There was no way she would just leave it behind - or give it to someone like Krasko.

“What was she in for?” Graham asked carefully. Knowing the Doctor, it was surely just some sort of misunderstanding - her wife had just been trying to help save people and had gotten into trouble, the same way the Doc always did. But the Time Lord's response had all three humans wondering just how well they really knew their friend.

“Murder.” she said, not bothering to explain any further.

She picked up every piece she could find, wincing when she saw just how badly she had broken the device and making a silent promise to fix it at the first available moment. Even if the chances of her getting it back to River were slim, she still wasn't going to leave it behind, or broken. There was a tiny part of her that hoped that fixing it meant that she could see her wife one more time - and that spark of hope grew with the pleased hum that the TARDIS let out, echoing over the bond that the time ship had with her pilot.

“So… you go about the universe, helpin’ people out if they need it… and you married a criminal?” Yaz asked, looking shocked and just a tiny bit skeptical. 

The Doctor nodded, a slightly goofy smile on her face. “Yeah, turns out I’ve got a bit of a thing for bad girls.” she admitted, standing back up. She pulled a scrap of cloth out of her coat pocket, wrapping up the pieces of the manipulator in it before slipping the bundle back into her pocket. “Besides, it not like she actually did anythin’.” She continued, happy to talk about her wife until someone stopped her. “She was accused of murdering me - well I say accused. She did actually shoot me that one time. And poison me that other time. But - I got better. And she saved my life loads of times since then.” 

None of that reassured any of her friends, but Yaz least of all. But the Doctor didn't seem to notice - she was too excited at the possibility of seeing her wife again to see how worried the police officer was at her words. A small frown flickered over her face at the thought of what she had to talk to her wife about - she wasn't looking forward to any conversation that had to do with Krasko. “Come on, fam!” She called over her shoulder, leading the way back out of the bus depot with an extra spring in her step. “Back to the TARDIS!”

 _And hopefully,_ she thought to herself, _back to River._

8888

She flew the ship through the Time Vortex, and even the ship seemed excited - her lights were brighter, she hummed louder, and she even seemed to argue with the Doctor less when they were flying. It only took a few minutes, but it felt like ages to both the Doctor and her friends, although it was for different reasons. The Doctor just wanted to see her wife again, and her friends were huddled together trying to figure out why the Time Lord would marry a murderer.

“Right.” She said once the TARDIS had landed. “I'm gonna go have a row with my wife. You all need to stay out here in case… things happen.” she finished lamely. She quickly checked her reflection in the view screens, before pushing open the TARDIS doors and walking outside, her excitement clear.

As soon as the doors shut behind her, Yaz raced over to it, Ryan hot on her heels. Graham looked at them in surprise. “What are you doin’?” He asked, his disapproval already clear in his voice. “The Doc said to stay put.”

“I’m goin’ after her.” Yaz replied, as if the answer was obvious. “I'm not lettin’ her go after a criminal alone, even if she is married to her.” She pushed the doors open before Graham had a chance to say anything else, Ryan following closely behind her - while he might not have been as vocal about it as Yazmin was, he was just as protective of the Doctor. They made it outside just as the Doctor made it halfway through the back garden - making her way up the winding path that led to the back door painted in a familiar shade of blue. Ivy covered the outside of the stone house, and light shone out comfortingly from the windows of the cottage, creating a cozy feeling that was completely at odds with the Time Lord making her way up the path. All three humans paused for a moment when they noticed the sky above them - it looked like twilight around them, but instead of the moon appearing in the sky, the planet Earth hung proudly above them. After seeing that, it only took them a few moments to realize exactly where they were - somehow, the cottage that looked like it could be from any small English village was on the moon.

“River Song!” The Doctor was shouting as she made her way up the trail to the house. Her newly repaired coat billowed out behind her with every step, the way it snapped in the wind almost accentuating her anger. Graham, Ryan, and Yaz followed her nervously. They took in the slightly overgrown yard and the garden full of roses, lavender, sunflowers and rosemary - and just how angry the Doctor had been. The humans followed her into the house, taking in the artifacts, paintings, and photos that covered the shelves and walls. A smiling middle-aged woman with a head of gravity-defying blonde curls was featured in almost all of them, posing with a different person or group of people in each one. The people that featured the most were a young couple - the woman with bright red hair and the man with a large nose - a young man with a bow tie and a rather large chin, and an older man with silver curls and pale blue eyes. There were others, too - Yaz's favorite was one that was mainly focused in on a bum covered in blue pinstripes.

All three of them tried to ignore the staircase that the Doctor had gone up, with varying degrees of success.

They all froze in their examinations of the room when they heard strangely musical shouting in a different language coming from upstairs - loud enough that it made them all nervous - and then nothing. Silence. One of the voices obviously belonged to the Doctor, but the other one they assumed belonged to her wife - it was lower than the Doctor's was, with a slightly throaty edge that almost hid the steel that ran through it.

The shouting started up again, and this time they were all pulled in until they stood at the bottom of the stairs, each of them wanting to take that first step but none of them daring to do so. This was the Doctor’s private life - they weren’t sure they wanted to interfere in it.

The voices got quieter, and Yaz made up her mind. She started to make her way up the stairs, checking each one to make sure it wouldn't creak before she climbed it. “What are you doin’?” Graham hissed, and Yaz turned to stare back at him defiantly. 

“I'm gonna check on the Doctor.” she said.

The two men exchanged a look - they had been doing that more and more frequently since they started traveling, and it was starting to get on her nerves. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Ryan said hesitantly

“From what she’s told us, her wife is a dangerous criminal!” Yazmin hissed, hair flying as she turned to face them. “We aren’t bein’ very good friends if we leave her up there to face her alone.”

And with that she headed up the stairs, determined to protect her friend - even though the other woman didn’t need protecting.


	2. Chapter 2

Yaz made her way down the hall, moving as quietly as possible to avoid being heard. She passed by multiple rooms, and despite her curiosity only took a quick peek into each one as she passed by. Most of them seemed normal enough - a few extra bedrooms and a gorgeous library. The cottage almost seemed to be bigger on the inside - something that she would have thought impossible if not for the small blue box outside that contained miles within it.

As she crept closer, the tone of their shouting seemed to change. It was still as musical as before, but there was a different edge to it. It got quieter and slightly more gentle, like each musical word was a caress instead of a battering ram.

She paused outside the door, not sure if she should keep going or not. Despite how she wanted to protect her friend, she also wanted to give the other woman the privacy that she needed. Things had quieted down - even this close to the door, Yaz could only hear a tiny bit of what was being said. She almost went back downstairs - even started to head in that direction.  
Or she did, until she heard the Doctor make a choked noise, and then a small gasping sound. That was enough to make her spring into action.

She slammed the door open, already looking for a weapon even as she pulled her police training to the front of her mind. But that fell away when she saw the position the two women were in - the Doctor laid out on her back, the other woman on top of her, one hand in her hair and the other on her hip. They were pressed as close together as could possibly be, but sprang apart the moment that she entered the room, with the other woman reaching toward her hip in an instinctive movement.

“First kiss.” the Doctor said, almost absently, causing the other woman - who Yaz couldn’t really bring herself to look at for fear of instantly melting into a pile of embarrassment - to turn and stare at her in shock for a moment before the look softened into something sweeter. 

“Yaz?” the Doctor stared at her, wide eyed and flustered as she tried to hide the red creeping across her face. “What are you doin’ in here?” she pushed the other woman off of her, climbing off of the bed and putting a small amount of distance between the two of them. The other woman huffed, but obliged.

“We heard shoutin’... just wanted to make sure you were alright.” Yaz said hesitantly, keeping her eyes focused on the Doctor.

But the Time Lord waved her off, running a hand through her hair - trying to use it to hide just how red her cheeks were. “We’re just havin’... a row, Yaz. Everything’s fine.” the Doctor promised. 

“Is that what we’re calling it?” the other woman replied, and the Doctor sent her a look that was part reprimand, part giddy excitement.

“Right.” Yaz said awkwardly - not believing a word of what her friend said but desperate to end the conversation. And despite her best efforts, her eyes darted over to the Doctor’s wife.

River Song was classically curvy, with a mane of reddish blonde curls spiraling everywhere and red painted lips. A short silk robe in deep blue was tied around her waist, and her legs and feet were bare. But Yaz saw the way her eyes were hard when they looked at her, and the way her hands were white-knuckled in fists. No matter what they had just been up to, River Song was still angry, making the human worry for the Doctor. She checked the Doctor again, but the woman seemed intent to have her leave, and nothing else.

“I’ll just… go, then.” Yaz said awkwardly.

“Make yourselves at home.” River offered, barely sparing her a glance. Her eyes were locked on the Doctor, both of them slightly flushed from... yelling... for so long.

As she closed the door behind her, she could already hear them starting up again. “Honestly, sweetie…” was the only thing that she could make out before they switched back over to the same musical language from earlier.

8888

Yaz made her way back downstairs, heading for the kitchen and ignoring the ‘I told you so’ looks on Ryan and Graham’s faces. She pulled out the kettle and started it boiling - it was the same model that her Nani had, despite them being centuries in the future - and then started rummaging through cabinets. She was determined to find some sort of evidence that would prove that River Song was blackmailing the Doctor, or mind-controlling her, or something - anything other than the two of them being madly in love with each other. Because there was no way that the Doctor was head over heels in love with a criminal.

“What are you doin’?” Graham asked, following her into the kitchen. Both he and Ryan could only stare at the young police officer in shock as she started to ransack the kitchen.

“She said to make ourselves at home.”

“That doesn’t mean go through her cupboards!” Ryan said, his obvious disapproval making Yaz pause.

She stopped what she was doing, turning to look at her friend. “I need to find out what she’s hiding, Ryan.” she explained, shaking her head. “The Doctor is too trustin’ for her own good - or have you forgotten that giant spider?”

“That's her wife!” Graham said, looking horrified at the very thought that the Doctor might not be able to trust the woman that she married.

“Yeah, and she's a criminal.” Yaz said, pointing out what the others didn’t really want to think about. “Who knows what she's hidin’?” Before either Ryan or Graham had a chance to respond before they heard feet coming down the stairs.

“Hello everyone, we're back!” the Doctor said, and her friends turned to look at her - and to see her wife, in Ryan and Graham’s case. The two women were pressed against each other, arms wrapped around waists and hands trailing over each other in innocent touches, like neither one could believe that the other was really there in front of them.

“Everythin’ okay?” Graham asked looking between the two women. “There was a lot of shoutin’ goin’ on up there.”

“Right. Context.” The Doctor said, keeping one arm wrapped around the other woman's waist as she turned her attention to her best friends. “Bit of a misunderstandin’, actually. Turns out River didn't barter away her vortex manipulator in the prison yard. It was stolen from her. Also my brain has sort of gone all fuzzy after that kiss…” she paused, her face scrunching up as she looked up at River. “Hang on. Did you poison me?”

“Not this time, dear.” the woman replied, smirking in amusement.

The Doctor nodded. “Right - normal kissing fuzziness, then.” She decided, a goofy grin on her face as she looked at her wife. “What was I talkin' about?”

“Krasko.” River reminded her wife, with the level of patience that came from doing this sort of thing on the regular.

“Back to Krasko. So bad news - I accused my wife of bein' friends with Krasko, and now I have to go shoppin’ with her to make up for it.” she pulled a face at that, but it was obvious that she wasn’t actually that disappointed. “Good news - she’s not actually friends with him.”

“Honestly, sweetie - I may have no conscience, but at least I’ve got taste.” she said, wrinkling her nose as she looked down at her wife. She moved over to the kitchen table, settling down in a chair before snagging the Doctor by the wrist and dragging her over to have the shorter woman sit in her lap. The Doctor yelped, blushing slightly when she landed in her wife’s lap.

The Doctor bopped the bump in the middle of her wife’s nose with her finger, smiling fondly. “That you do, River Song.” she said, her eyes full of wonder as she stared at the other woman. Normally she wouldn’t have been anywhere near this sappy with her wife, but seeing her for the first time in this body was having strange effects on her. Not to mention, she had learned in her last body that it was better to show River exactly how much she meant to her and damn the consequences.

The Doctor’s friends gave the women a moment before Graham spoke up. “Gonna introduce us, Doc?” he asked, a small smile on his face as he did so.

That seemed to snap the Doctor out of her daze. “Oh, sorry!” she said, turning her attention back to her friends. “These are my new best friends - Ryan, Graham, and Yaz. Gang, this is my wife River.”

The woman that the Doctor was currently using as a comfy chair looked them over, taking a quick assessment before she smiled. “Hello all.” she greeted them, wrapping one arm loosely around her wife’s waist. “So how did you meet my sweetie?”

Ryan mouthed the word ‘sweetie’, looking like he was fighting to hold back his laughter. It was strange to think about the woman who had shown them so much, who had saved planets and defeated terrible villains and diffused bombs with seconds to spare blushing as her wife called her ‘sweetie’.

“She crashed through the train we were in - saved our lives.” Graham told the woman, looking at the Doctor in confusion when she looked panicked and shook her head. The last thing that she needed was for her wife to know just how reckless she had 

“You crashed through a train?” River asked dryly, leveling an unimpressed look at her wife. There was a dangerous tinge to her voice that had Yaz tensing, but the Doctor deflated slightly. She at least had the courtesy to look slightly embarrassed as she turned to look at her wife.

“It wasn’t my fault - the TARDIS dumped me out after I regenerated.” the Doctor said, quickly defending herself. Her face scrunched up as she looked at her wife. “‘Sides, it not like its any better than how we met.”

“How did you two meet, then?” Ryan asked, looking between the two of them. But the Doctor shook her head, refusing to tell the story. River smirked.

“Oh, come on Doc.” Graham said, pulling a face when neither of them said anything. “You can’t say things like that an’ then just not tell us the story.”

“She tried to kill me, then she tried to steal my TARDIS… and then she stole my hearts.” The Doctor finished, a small smile on her face as she looked at her wife.

“Sap.” River Song retorted, a small smile on her face as she looked at her wife. “Besides, stealing the TARDIS came after Berlin.” she added, her fingers tightening on the Doctor's hip.

“That's true.” The Doctor agreed, but they were interrupted before they could start to be any sappier than they already were.

“What time period is this?”. Ryan asked. “Where are we?”

“51st century, the Lunar colony.” River replied, moving the Doctor off of her lap so she could get up. She started to make her way around the kitchen, getting together everything she would need for breakfast.

“Wicked.” Ryan smiled.

“River teaches at the University.” The Doctor said, getting up to help her wife, but River just gave her a look and she sat back down. Apparently her wife already knew that she had lost her twelfth body's culinary talents.

“What do you teach?” Graham asked, and both women answered at the same time - one in excitement and the other in fond exasperation.

“Archaeology.”

8888

Graham had spent the next half hour talking with Professor Song - asking questions about different archaeological digs that she had been on and time periods that she had been to. Ryan just listened for the most part, occasionally asking questions of his own. But Yasmin stood off to the side, thoughts spinning through her head as she watched the woman in front of her - Professor River Song. She knew she was being ridiculous, but she had heard enough stories being a copper that she worried for her friend - stories of people who married criminals and then upset them.

“What's the matter?” Ryan asked, settling in next to Yaz.

“What if,” Yaz began, keeping her voice low so that her friends didn't hear. “she's just using the Doctor?” she hated even thinking the idea, but it had been sitting at the back of her mind since her friend had first mentioned her wife. 

“Yaz…” Ryan began, but she cut him off. Graham came over to join them, leaving the two women in the kitchen arguing over whether or not custard creams counted as a meal.

“No, seriously! The Doctor could be in real danger!”

“Yaz - just look at how she looks at the Doc.” Graham urged. “Does that look like the kind of look a criminal gives their victim?”

“You just said the word ‘look’ way too many times.” Ryan said, receiving an exasperated look from his grandfather in response. 

Yaz ignored Ryan, but took Graham’s advice. She took a good, long look at River Song - and saw. She saw the way that the other woman looked at her friend like she hung the stars themselves. That in itself wasn't surprising, though - everyone who met the Doctor had a bit of that look to them. What was surprising was how she also looked as though the Doctor could trip over thin air and land on her face, and she wouldn't be surprised. There was a softness to her eyes that one wouldn't expect from a hardened criminal, and she laughed when the Doctor whispered something in her ear. There was an almost besotted look in her eyes every time she looked at the Doctor.

“Hang on.” The Doctor said, taking a step away from her wife and drawing the attention of her friends. River looked at her wife, eyebrows furrowed together and head tilted as she silently asked what was going on. “You're taller than I am now!”

River looked amused. “Yes dear, I am.” She smirked. “Even without my heels.”

Her face scrunched up as she looked at her wife. “I don't like it.”

“I'm afraid you're stuck with it, my love.” River smirked, crossing her arms over her chest as she looked at her wife. “Unless you want to wear heels all of the time.”

Her wife actually seemed to think about the idea for a second before she gave up on it. 

8888

“Are you leaving already?” River asked a few hours later. The Doctor’s companions had already left, saying their awkward goodbyes before giving the women a minute to say goodbye.

“I think so.” the Doctor said sadly, giving her wife a quick but thorough kiss as her friends awkwardly tried not to watch. “We’ve got adventures to go on, and you, Professor, have a class to teach.”

“Til the next time, my love.” 

She watched them walk away, the Doctor’s companions almost making it back into the TARDIS before her wife stopped in her tracks. A slow smile spread across her face and she tucked a loose curl back behind her ear as her wife spun around, looking like she had just solved one of the mysteries of the universe.

“Do you know what? There’s one thing that’s still confusing me.” The Doctor said, her way over to her wife. River had been leaning against the door frame with a smirk on her face - like she was waiting for that exact thing to happen. “When I first got here, you didn’t seem even the slightest bit surprised to see me like this. Why is that?” she asked, and River smiled.

“Spoilers.” she said, and the Doctor smiled - a wide, manic grin that never really changed no matter which face she had. Her eyes filled with tears, and though her friends watched they couldn’t tell exactly what was going on. 

“Promise?” she asked, and River nodded, leaning down to give her wife a chaste kiss.

“Promise.”


End file.
